6 Godly Tips for Conflict Resolution in Marriage
There is no relationship without conflicts. (Read that again!) Conflict in marriage is normal, but what you do when these conflicts arise is what draws the line between a successful marriage and a failed marriage.
How do you handle conflict resolution in marriage? Can you avoid conflicts in marriage? How do you stay calm during arguments with your spouse?
These are questions that I’ll answer in this post.
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I think one reason people cannot resolve conflicts is the wrong mentality they have about conflicts. You need to understand that you and your spouse have different perspectives and views, and you will not ALWAYS see eye to eye on everything, which makes marital conflicts normal.
What do you do when you both are trying to emphasize your personal points? The answer to this is the key to resolving conflicts in marriage.
What is marital conflict?
Marital conflicts are disagreements or arguments that occur within the confines of marriage and between spouses. These could take any form and can be caused by several factors.
It is usually normal for marital conflicts to occur, but it is always best and healthy to ensure they get resolved within the shortest possible time.
Marriage involves two different people with different perspectives on life, and they are expected not to see eye to eye on matters. Still, there is expected to be a certain level of maturity and understanding in any conflict.
Can marital conflicts be avoided?
No, it is impossible to avoid marital conflicts. However, one can control the frequency and intensity of these conflicts, which is where understanding comes into the picture. There are no successful marriages without conflicts; most times, these conflicts lead to a better understanding of your spouse and his perspective. If you learn conflict resolution in marriage, it is one of the hacks to a successful marriage.
Causes of conflict in marriage.
The main reason for conflict in marriage is because you are two individuals with different backgrounds, opinions, training, perspectives, and interests.
Below are some of the common causes of conflicts in marriage:
High expectations
High expectations of your spouse and assumptions are one of the things that cause conflicts in marriage. Having unmet expectations can cause frustration, bitterness, and anger.
Rather than have an expectation of your spouse that is high and unreasonable, it is usually best to express your expectations vocally and discuss how you can both work together to fulfill that expectation. It might require you to compromise a little bit, but it is doable.
Dishonesty
Marriage is about transparency, willingness to compromise, and maturity, so having a dishonest partner will always result in conflicts: the feeling of betrayal, being taken for granted, and being taken for a fool.
No matter how difficult the situation is, it is best to be open and transparent always. Most times, it is better for your spouse to hear the truth from you than to hear it from someone else.
Trust issues
One of the keys to a successful marriage is trusting your spouse completely. Trust issues will always lead to suspicion and lack of belief in your spouse, which creates unnecessary tension in the home and makes you argue and fight over inconsequential things.
If you have trust issues, it is best to communicate this with your spouse and seek therapy. It could be a result of past heartbreak or childhood trauma.
Also, if your spouse has trust issues, you can work together to help them overcome them, and you should also be transparently honest with everything you do.
Finances
Money issues are significant in marriage, and couples can’t avoid arguing about money.
You can argue about your spending habits, money mindsets, and savings. Conflicts can arise due to one spouse earning more or taking more responsibility for household expenses.
Regardless, there are ways that you can achieve financial happiness (link to the blog post on money and marriage) with your spouse.
Sexual incompatibility
The pressure of work, body changes, and financial and household responsibilities can cause severe changes in the sexual life of couples. Oh, and did I forget children?!
Finding ways to maintain romance, communicate frequently, and be honest about your sexual changes is crucial.
Here’s a tip I learned: it is best to schedule sex, especially when you both have busy schedules. Sex is a vital part of any marriage, and unsatisfactory sex life can result in immense marital conflicts.
Misunderstandings
Lack of understanding of your spouse’s personality and thought process will often lead to misunderstandings and conflicts in marriage.
Household chores
How do household chores result in marital conflicts?
Your husband might have expectations of what the home should look like and wifely responsibilities that do not align with yours. Most times, women also want the man to help with household chores while the man doesn’t have that mindset. These can cause conflicts stemming from misaligned perspectives.
Cheating
Infidelity also results in conflict in marriage. An unfaithful partner is a major cause of conflict and results in heartbreaks, frustration, and regret.
6 Tips for Conflict resolution in marriage
Marital conflicts do not go on their own; it involves a good deal of letting go of ego and focusing on the big picture. The effects of long-drawn marital conflicts are unhealthy for parents and kids, which is why it is crucial to learn how you can resolve conflicts within your home.
Here’s a look at some of my tips:
Be uncomfortable with conflicts
One of the best ways to resolve conflicts in marriage is to have a conflict resolution mindset. Get uncomfortable with lingering disputes.
When you are uncomfortable, you will look for ways to resolve any conflict in your marriage.
Conflicts are unavoidable in marriage, but having a conflict resolution mindset will help you be willing to compromise, understand and communicate with your partner whenever you have misunderstandings.
Be logical
Suppose you want conflicts to be resolved quickly. In that case, the best way is to approach the situation logically, which involves you looking beyond the surface and identifying the cause of the conflict.
The cause of the conflict can be more than just a dirty house or money in the bank and might be about an assumption, expectation, or different opinions.
Identifying the cause of a conflict will help you avoid future conflicts and also help you understand your spouse more.
Take responsibility
Be willing to take responsibility and be accountable for your actions. Although in some marital conflicts, no one is at fault, other times, someone is at fault.
Learn to take responsibility for your actions and how to apologize sincerely.
Show your sincerity, and on no account should you try to excuse your actions, especially when they hurt your spouse.
Understand or at least try
We all have reasons for what we do, and it is the same with your spouse. When you want to resolve conflicts, try to look at things from the other perspective.
If you can’t understand it, ask questions. Try to understand why your spouse acted in a certain way or said certain things.
You might realize that it is not that big of a deal.
When you understand the reason, it reverts the conflicts and brings peace.
Initiate communication
After the conflict, we all want to be alone, lick our wounds, and preserve our egos, but, as the wife and mother, you have to be an initiator even if you are hurt.
Initiate a conversation, be willing to talk, understand, and forgive.
Let go of the pride and ego and focus on the big picture—peace and understanding.
Be expressive
How do you feel? What hurts you the most? What can you overlook?
It is always good to be expressive about your feelings after you have resolved the conflict or during conflict resolution.
This will help you prevent future conflicts and know how to resolve them.
Let’s Recap
Now you know what marital conflicts mean and how to resolve them. Sometimes, your pride gets in the way of resolving conflicts with your spouse. One thing I try to do is to make sure that we don’t carry over an argument into the new day. If he isn’t making a move, I will.
Never give the devil a chance to sow seeds in your home. Find a way to resolve your arguments, disagreements, or fights. A small hole can become a big ditch if not mended on time.
You can create a problem-solving strategy for both of you to use when you have these conflicts, and always make sure you stick to it.
A successful marriage is hard work and does not happen by chance. Put in the work, and you’ll see how rewarding it can be.
Was this helpful? What problem/conflict resolution strategy do you use with your spouse? Let me know in the comments below.
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