9 Amazing Keys to a Successful Marriage You Need to Know

I saw a meme about an old couple saying, “the reason we’ve been together for years is that we lived in a generation where if something is broken, you fix it.” However, I think we live in a generation that has become accustomed to walking away from a problem rather than facing it. 

It’s scary hearing young people going into a relationship or marriage with the mindset of divorce. Maybe, it’s because they didn’t take time to grow and appreciate the value in fixing existing relationships rather than starting a new one. 

The reality is that a lasting marriage isn’t based on luck, coincidence, or fate. Instead, there are specific keys to a successful marriage and tips you should know, understand, and implement to ensure you have the kind of marriage you hoped and prayed for. 

These keys are non-negotiable and can be the deal-breaker for any healthy, successful, and happy marriage.

Being a Christian does not guarantee a successful marriage, and important factors must be in place for any marriage (Christian or otherwise) to succeed.

What Qualifies a Marriage as Successful?

While writing this post, I asked many people around me what having a successful marriage means to them. The surprising outcome was that although each person seemed to have a different view of success regarding marriage, there were still some similarities. Below are some similar ideas concerning successful marriages:

• Peace: The men (majorly) and women agree that a successful marriage is peaceful. 
• Mutual understanding: Many people agree that without understanding, it will be challenging for any couple to stay together and have a happy marriage because there will be misunderstandings.
• God-centered family: Having God as the ultimate Head and bringing up children in the fear of God is what some believe makes a successful marriage.
• Love: What’s marriage without love? Love is the ultimate because it helps you endure, understand, and forgive.
• Openness: This involves communicating with each other and expressing your feelings and vulnerability. To some, they value this even more than love.

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Why Marriages Fail?

There are several reasons why marriages fail nowadays, and these include:

• Incompatibility
• Lack of communication
• Insincerity
• Lack of trust
• Loss of intimacy
• Emotional abuse
• Unrealistic expectations
• Selfishness
• Unforgiveness
• Third-party interference
• Unfaithfulness
• Lack of understanding
• Lack of respect

This list does not cover all of the reasons why marriages fail. A failed marriage can result from differences in personality type, tolerance level, and immaturity. Also, the reasons differ in each marriage. For example, what can make marriage A fail might not be what will make marriage B fail.

Keys to a Successful Marriage

Knowing some of the reasons why marriages fail can help you prepare for a successful marriage. These keys are essential ingredients in any relationship or marriage. There are indeed no exact ways to determine what will make a marriage successful, but with these keys, you are sure to be on your way to a healthy and happy marriage.

Compatibility

Compatibility is first on my list of keys to a successful marriage because you and your spouse must be compatible. Compatibility in terms of marriage means that both of you can coexist in harmony, which means that, to a reasonable extent, you should see things in the same way, understand each other, and share the same values.

Without compatibility, it is easier to get into arguments over minor things and get frustrated with the marriage. You will not get along with your husband, and the marriage will feel more like a burden.

If you discover signs of a lack of compatibility, I think the next step is to learn and be ready to compromise on some things (do this healthily and wisely). Communicate with your husband and find common ground. It might take a while to adjust, but it will be worth it.

Communication

Communication is another crucial aspect of any marriage. No relationship can thrive without an effective communication system in place. I know you get busy with work, taking care of the home, the kids, and so on, but communication in marriage has to be intentional. It goes beyond just asking casual questions to meaningful and deep conversations. 

Discuss financial expectations, life expectations, passion, desires, frustration, etc. These discussions will let you know how your partner thinks and why they act the way they do and even help you understand when he needs your support and the important things to him.

My blog post on the importance of communication discusses this in more depth. Read post.

Conflict resolution

John C. Maxwell, in his book ‘Making Today Count’ talked about family life and expressed the importance of resolving conflicts as soon as possible. To him, every couple should develop their problem-solving strategies and be able to determine their priorities.

There will be conflict in your marriage, which is just a reality. You should express how you feel, your joys and disappointments also. Yes, it might lead to misunderstandings, but that is okay. What matters is your ability to resolve these conflicts healthily and with understanding. 

Money management

Did you know that financial conflicts in marriage are one of the top five reasons why couples divorce? Understanding the money mindset of your spouse and finding the most effective money management strategies for the family can save your marriage.

There are many reasons why financial conflicts occur in marriage; it can be due to financial dishonesty, debts, bad spending habits, loss of income, etc. 

To have a happy marriage, learning money management is also crucial.

Respect

Respect goes both ways. People say that respect is reciprocal. There are different situations where respect will be evident but even when it isn’t, always make it a rule of thumb to respect your spouse.

Regarding men, respect can be said to be a man’s love language because of their manly ego. No kidding! When you communicate or argue, show respect. Value your spouse’s opinions and understand them. 

Spiritual intimacy

Anything with God always makes sense. A marriage involving God is sweeter and more successful than one without God. Spiritual intimacy helps your marriage in no small way, as it brings you closer to each other and closer to God. 

Having aligned spiritual goals, engaging in spiritual activities together, and being accountable to each other will increase love and keep your marriage grounded on something more substantial than your feelings. It reminds you of the purpose of your union and helps you value your spouse more.

The truth is that I can’t mention all the benefits of spiritual intimacy, so I’ll redirect you to my blog post on how valuable spiritual intimacy is to couples.

Bonding

Marriage takes work. 

This statement has been the truth for many generations regarding marriage. Bonding is also an important key to successful marriages, and you need bonding to keep the intimacy alive and remind yourself of why you love your spouse.

After the first few years of marriage, it is easy for the excitement and giddiness to die down gradually. As the years go by, it becomes crucial to relive the early memories and keep the love alive. 

Scheduling date nights, showing up for each other, engaging in fun activities, and traveling together are among the few bonding activities you can do. 

Trust

Trust is another indispensable key to a successful marriage. Trust is more of faith than actions because it can be difficult to trust another human being entirely, but it is possible. 

Trust takes time to build, and in marriage, your spouse should be the most trustworthy person to you, not a third party – no matter how close.

Love

Need I say more? Love is an essential ingredient to a happy marriage. Love is the straw that binds you to your spouse, the string that makes you ready to compromise, understand, trust, and forgive.

Without love, many of the actions needed for a successful marriage will be more of a chore than a loving act. 

Successful Marriage Tips

I know I’ve already said a lot about the keys to a successful marriage, and although these keys are enough to keep a marriage, here are some tips you can hold to heart.

• Invite God into your marriage. 
• Be selfless and think of each other first. Be ready to give more than receive.
• Be committed to each other, and make sure to put your marriage before anything else.
• Be happy and content with what you have.
• Always be ready to listen and offer support.
• Defend and stand up for your spouse whenever it is necessary, either publicly or otherwise.
• Be ready to compromise and find common ground in arguments and misunderstandings.
• Be understanding in all matters. Think things over and try to look at things from your spouse’s perspective.
• Be accountable to each other in all aspects of your lives.
• Make time for each other as often as you can.
• Spice up your romance and sex life.
• Be intentional about compliments, and don’t use them sparingly.
• Always appreciate the efforts that your spouse makes, no matter how little.
• Be encouraging when things don’t go as expected.
• Be realistic in your expectations from your spouse.
• Don’t make giving up an option.

Let’s Recap!

“The happiest marriages aren’t always happy all the time.” 

The truth is, no one knows you better than your spouse, and no one knows your spouse better than you. A successful marriage depends on both parties being willing to compromise for the other, giving more than to receive, and putting God first in every marital decision.

No marital journey is entirely void of crisis, but what matters is your decision during these difficult times.

Do you let the situation win or let God win?

Chat with me

Are you married? How many years is your marriage? What is the most useful marital counsel you’ve been given? Let me know in the comments below.

READ ALSO: Money and Marriage | How to be financially happy with your spouse

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