10 Easy Ways to Reconnect With Your Spouse

One of the worst things to ever experience in a marriage is the inability to connect on any level with your spouse. For a marriage to be healthy and happy, you have to be able to connect with your spouse sexually, emotionally, intellectually, and even spiritually. If this connection is lacking in a marriage, it creates a problem that might look too big to fix.

There are several reasons why this disconnection occurs, and aside from pinpointing the cause, it is also essential to learn how to reconnect with your spouse. The concept of reconnection in marriage is not so abstract. 

Let me share a story I once heard with you.

A married man once concluded that he had fallen out of love with his wife and wanted a divorce. They had a boy together, and when the man presented the divorce papers, the woman decided to sign it after a month but with a condition. The man had to act like they were still in love for the entire month.

He had to buy her flowers, carry her, bring her breakfast, and all the things he would normally do if he was in love, and guess what? By the time the month elapsed, divorce was the last thing on his mind!

If you want to learn how to reconnect with your spouse, start by spending quality time together and being intentional about it. Everything in marriage is intentional.

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Disconnection in Marriage

Disconnection in marriage is one of those things that every married couple has to face at some point in their marital journey. It is a feeling of partial or total misalignment or, simply put, division with your spouse.

Somehow, you aren’t on the same page.

Somehow, he doesn’t get you!

Disconnection in marriage can be so severe that you can easily pass off as strangers living together. The communication becomes strained, and there is no form of intimacy, leading you to question your marital choices and probably contemplate divorce or separation.

Some marital disconnection can even lead to hatred.

Reasons for Disconnection in Marriage

While disconnection occurs in most relationships, it results from certain things, which means you can avoid it.

Here are some reasons most couples grow apart:

• Drifting caused by overfamiliarity, work schedule, and neglect.
• Excessive complaints from one spouse to the other.
• Unhealthy expectations.
• Constant criticism.
• Lack of attention.
• Unforgiveness.
• Having a baby.
• Long distance marriages.
• Frequent business trips.
• Secrets.
• Financial issues.
• Sexual incompatibility.
• Parental differences.
• Distractions.

Signs of disconnection

Since disconnection cuts across physical, emotional, and sexual aspects of marriage, there can be a lot of signs, but here are some hard-to-miss signs of disconnection:

• Reduced communication
• Indifference
• Prolonged disagreements
• No interest in coming home
• Lack of sexual interest
• Frequent misunderstandings
• Spending more time apart
• Other things become prioritized
• No shared activities
• Frequent, unexplained irritation
• No emotional connection
• Conversations are strained

Benefits of Reconnecting with Your Spouse

The main benefit of reconnecting with your spouse is to save your marriage. Disconnection puts a lot of strain on you and your marriage, resulting in unhappiness and frustration.

Finding ways to effectively reconnect with your spouse in all aspects of your marriage will open the path for marital happiness and help save your marriage.

It will also help you to enjoy your marriage to the fullest, fall in love with your spouse all over again, and live happily.

A happy marriage also leads to happy children. Saving your marriage by reconnecting with your spouse helps to protect your children from a broken home.

How to reconnect with your spouse

Recognize the need

You need to be able to recognize the need for reconnection. Some couples know something is wrong with their marriage but think things will fall in place without effort, which is a big mistake.

A happy marriage isn’t automatic and needs the input of the two persons involved.

Even if you can identify the signs of disconnection in your marriage, it will all be in vain if you do not recognize the need and urgency of reconnecting.

The first solution to any problem is recognizing that there is a problem and the need to fix the problem actively.

Communicate

If you want to reconnect with your spouse, communication is necessary. You cannot do it all alone because it takes two to tango. However, your active participation can influence your spouse as well.

Talk with each other and identify the cause of the disconnection. It could simply be one thing or a compilation of several reasons. 

Deep discussions with each other will help you identify the cause and prevent it in the future.

Additionally, communication isn’t a one-time thing nor a one-way street. You need to be able to listen to the other person and not you alone.

Build sexual intimacy

Sexual intimacy goes beyond just sex. Find ways to express your affections and desires, like a cuddle in the living room or a sweet kiss in the kitchen.

You need to find ways to reassure your partner of your love and the fact that you find him desirable.

Sexual intimacy also involves deep discussions about your sexual expectations and desires. Sexual incompatibility is one of the main reasons why couples experience disconnection; you need to be able to express your sexual needs so you can both work together towards sexual happiness.

Initiate connection

Be the initiator and avoid waiting for your spouse to initiate moments when you can feel connected to each other. Be the one to start sharing how your day went; be the one to express how disappointed you were at silly things. Be the most open, the most expressive, and the most anything that promotes intimacy.

This will encourage your spouse to do the same thing. Whatever you desire your spouse to discuss with you, discuss it first and keep at it.

Try new things

Explore options and ideas. Try out new things that will bring you closer to each other. Go on dates, picnics, movie nights, and try different activities together.

You can also try to visit new places with your spouse during vacations.

Show gratitude

Be grateful for the little things and express gratitude sincerely. Make it a big deal even when your partner does something that might seem small.

When you appreciate the little things, it makes it easier to appreciate the big things and also makes your partner happy.

It makes you more aware of your spouse’s strengths than their flaws. 

Reconcile expectations and reality

If you have an unhealthy expectation of your spouse, reconcile it with reality.

Try to let go of unhealthy things and avoid farfetched wishes.

Also, discuss these expectations with your spouse and find ways to work around them.

Learn to let go

Know when to let things go and avoid prolonging issues. Learn how to overlook trivial matters so that you don’t make a big deal out of them.

Even if you need to express your emotions, do so in a conversational way, not accusing.

Be apologetic

Sorry is one of the magic words that shouldn’t be scarce in your marriage. Sincere apologies for mistakes and offenses go a long way in maintaining peace and balance.

Seek professional help

Don’t be ashamed to seek the help of a marriage therapist or your spiritual leader if reconnecting is more arduous than it should be.

It’s not demeaning to seek help.

Let’s Recap

Maintaining intimacy between partners leads to a successful marriage. If you are not intentional about it, it becomes easy for everyday situations like a busy schedule and child training to take over your marriage.

Marriage is about you, your spouse, and God; if anything else comes between these things, it spells disaster. 

If you were confused about how to reconnect with your spouse, I believe this post has given you an idea of where to start. 

How often do you feel a disconnect with your spouse? What do you usually do to reconnect with your spouse? Feel free to leave a comment below or email me at inquiettrust@gmail.com

READ ALSO: How to effectively build and maintain romance in marriage

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